Episode 084: Which Version of Yourself Do You Want to Be?

Hi creative soles. How are you? How is your creative practice? What socks are you wearing? My creative sock choice today is a very fun pair of kind of purple-y burgundy eggplant-y socks with pink on the heel and toe and little pictures of cats as well as the word CATS over and over with many exclamation points. In other words, they are my cat lady socks. And they are pretty great. 

And I think they’re very appropriate for today’s episode for a couple of reasons. In this episode, we’re talking about being yourself, and more precisely which version of yourself do you want to be. And I think that these socks are a good representation of who I am: I am most certainly a lover of purple-y burgundy eggplant-y colors as well as a cat lady. And they match my outfit, which I am really feeling today. I’m going to get into this a little more later in this episode, but I’ve really been choosing my outfits more intentionally recently, to reflect that version of myself I want to be, and today that led me to wear a velvet-y eggplant-colored top with a muted pink sort of motorcycle jacket with lots of gold jewelry. And I’m very into it. And, it matches my socks. So it’s kind of perfect that’s a little bit of a teaser of what we’re really getting into later in this episode. 

So in an earlier episode, Anna and I talked about the concept of being yourself, and what that really means. It’s something that gets thrown around a lot, and it’s the theme of all sorts of books and movies and I think on some level we all sort of know what it means…but it’s also pretty vague. And sometimes it’s hard to tap into what being yourself really is, and how you actually do that. 

So I wanted to revisit this concept in this episode, adn kind of go into more depth with the version of this concept that has been really helpful to me lately, which is tapping into the version of myself that feels like the me that I want to embody. Because we are all multi-faceted, and we all have so many ways of being in the world, and I think that’s partly why “be yourself” feels sort of vague and unhelpful sometimes. And yet, we all know to some degree that it is important to be ourselves. So we know that we want to be ourselves but it feels a little bit vague to do so but I think it’s important especially in our creative work - I really believe that the more we can authentically express ourselves through our work, the more meaningful and magnetic and moving it has the potential to be. 

I want to share this concept that I’ve been thinking a lot about lately that’s related to this which is the concept of the “inner critic,” or that voice inside of us that is not very nice, and in the case of artistic pursuits, it often tells us not to pursue those things for whatever reason, the things that we want to pursue, whether it’s because we’re not talented enough, not old enough, not young enough, etc. And I first really thought about my inner critic - I think I had thought about it before, but I started thinking about it in a more defined way as a member of Katie Dalebout’s online club of sorts for creative people, which she calls “in process”. In this group, Katie asked us to notice our inner critic and give it a name and a character. And the inner critic also comes up in The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, and in Playing Big by Tara Mohr, and lots of other places as well - but all of those kind of voices sort of coincided in my brain in a way that made me want to explore or think about it more. 

At first, I thought, I don’t really have that much of an inner critic when it comes to creativity, which is the context I was really thinking about it in, and the context that I want to share with you today, because I was lucky enough to grow up in a household where my creativity was appreciated and celebrated, and I am so so grateful for that. And I think that’s one of the reasons I don’t have this mean voice in my head telling me that I’m not good enough when I try to make creative work or when I try a new medium or something like that. 

But, I still sometimes get stuck making creative work, or putting my art out into the world, and I thought, so I must have some part of myself that’s getting in my way. Some kind of an inner critic. And I realized that my inner critic was not so much a mean, harsh character like I was expecting, like somebody who’s telling me I’m not good enough, that I’m not talented…it was more of a mopey Eeyore character. As in the sad donkey from Winnie the Pooh, who is always thinking, well, it probably won’t really work out anyway, so what’s the point in trying. So while it’s not this harsh inner critic like I was kind of expecting it to be or looking for, it is still certainly a part of myself who is stopping me from making and sharing what deep down, I really want to make and share. 

And I thought about this inner Eeyore some more, and I realized I also kind of have an inner Rabbit, also from Winnie the Pooh - I have this character who tends to shut down fun and joy because it doesn't feel practical, or because it gets in the way, or because it’s messy. And, I also have an inner Piglet, who feels really small and vulnerable and is really sweet and loving but also really fearful. And noticing all these little characters in my heads, especially the inner Piglet, probably because I’ve always loved Piglet, helped me to feel a lot more compassion for the parts of myself that didn’t want me to express my creativity as fully as I truly wanted to express it. Because I can recognize that they are each trying to do their best to protect me, but they don’t see the full picture. Eeyore only sees the glass as half empty, Rabbit only sees what’s practical, and Piglet only sees the world from the view of a very tiny and very vulnerable creature. And their perspectives are totally understandable given who they are. And, they are all parts of me. BUT, that doesn’t mean I have to listen to them. 

You probably also have some characters inside your head that are getting in the way of you doing the creative work that you want to do. And, like me, I know you also have somebody inside of you who are deeply wise and courageous and artistic and all of the things that you want to be. So, when I ask: “which version of yourself do you want to be?”, this is really what I’m getting at. When I say “be yourself,” I mean: be the version of yourself who embodies the values and beliefs and life of the most inspiring, brave, fully expressed you. 

So, who is that version of you? How does that person relate to their art? How does that person express their creativity? How does that person live their life? These are the kinds of questions  that I’ve been asking myself and tapping into. And then I’ve been using these answers as a kind of guiding light as I take action and make decisions each day. And sometimes, when I’m sticking with the Winnie the Pooh train and that feels good, I imagine this as my inner Tigger, who’s joyful and boisterous and enamored with my uniqueness. Or my inner Kanga, who is wise and nurturing and loving, and is always there to take care of me in whatever way I need. Or my inner Pooh, who is calm and thoughtful and always open to the sweetness of life. But most often, and most impactfully, if that’s a word… the thing that’s made the most difference for me, is seeing this version of myself as myself, in my human body, just a more fully-expressed and confident and experienced version of me. 

And the reason I mentioned that my outfit was a teaser for later in the episode, is one thing that I’ve been doing, to help me feel a little bit more like that version of me in my day-to-day life, is trying to dress a little bit more like that version of me. A few months ago, I did this workshop with Joy Asibey-Gabriel of Black Lady of Leisure that I loved - I’ve always been into fashion and I think the way that she approaches it is really inspiring - and she guided us through this meditation to meet our style muse. Which was very much a way of tapping into a more fully expressed, comfortable, confident version of ourselves that I just mentioned, just with a focus on style which I thought was really cool because again I like fashion, I like clothes, that’s always kind of been a creative outlet for me. And through doing this exercise, I realized that the way I was dressing was very different from the way that that version of myself was dressing. So for me, starting to dress more like this version of myself that I wanted to embody has been a way to bring that energy that I want into my daily life. And it doesn’t have to be a total transformation all at once, I’ve been doing this in small ways, like what jewelry I want to wear each day. 

I also tap into this version of myself through journaling. I like to journal to her and as her - sort of writing letters back and forth. Which maybe sounds kind of silly. But it’s actually been really powerful for me, because it’s reminded me that I have so much wisdom inside of me, and I just need to make the time and the space and connect to it. 

And, my dear creative soles, I know that you also have a version of you within you who is incredibly wise, who embodies just the sort of person that you want to be. There’s a version of yourself inside of you who believes in your creative work and in your inherent worthiness and talent as an artist. 

So instead of giving you specific questions or journaling prompts today, I’m just going to encourage you to spend some time pondering and writing about who that person is. It could be helpful to notice your inner Eeyores and Rabbits and Piglets also, as a contrast to this version of yourself. Because one of the points I want to make is that we do all have access to so many different ways of thinking and acting and being and expressing ourselves within us. And I think it’s really powerful to start noticing who they are, and deciding which ones we want to listen to more, and which ones we want to listen to less. 

I hope this idea is helpful to somebody out there - it’s been really helpful for me, so I wanted to share it here on the podcast. If you have any takeaways, I’d love to hear them - you can find me on Instagram at @thephilosophersstem or send me an email at hello(at)thephilosophersstem(dot)com. Or if you want to leave a review on Apple Podcasts, that would also be fabulous! And if you feel so inclined, let me know what kind of socks the version of yourself you want to be is wearing. That would be a fun conversation, don’t you think? Like if we all found the socks that most expressed who we want to be in the world! This is giving me lots of ideas…but for now I will leave you to be whatever version of yourself feels most exciting and correct to you right now, to make your beautiful or weird or wild art, and to of course wear never boring socks. Or non-boring socks, that makes more sense. But anyway, thank you so much for listening, I look forward to connecting again soon.